fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Haven't posted for a long time.. Other priorities, or perhaps less brain to dedicate to getting my thoughts out in a semi-readable fashion.

Josh and I are having a rough time. He's doing all kinds of things that he knows I hate, and trying to hurt Ella. He needs more of me than I actually have, right now, and it's hard on both of us. I find myself yelling at him. My new strategy is to tell him that I'm too mad, and have to go away so I don't say mean things to him. Kind of like a reverse time out, but it's more for me than for him. We're having power struggles over getting dressed, brushing teeth, not throwing things. The usual, but more so. The frustrating thing is that I know the sorts of things I need to do to help us both over this period, but I don't have the energy or patience to do it.

Last night was my second night of sleep in a month where Josh didn't wake up horrendously early and cry and beg to nurse (But I just want nei-nei! I just really, reeeeeeeally want nei-nei! Please, please mama?!). I decided to give up the 8 months of slow night-weaning a couple of days ago, and after two nights of nursing whenever (and me getting even less sleep, due to having to carefully roll over in my kid-sandwich each time one wanted to nurse so as to not wake the other one) Josh has started to sleep through again, waking briefly to come snuggle in with us if he starts the night in his own bed. I'd still do nothing differently - if I'd weaned him earlier, or made him stay in his own bed, I'd still be dealing with these needs in other, less obvious ways. Cosleeping still gives us the most sleep overall, I think, and Josh still nursing gives me another tool in my mama-kit that I'd find hard to duplicate with anything else. So, if I stopped doing either of those things I'd still be having trouble, just in other ways that may be harder to deal with.

Ella is lovely :) She smiles and giggles, when I slow down enough to give her some attention beyond the basic physical kind. I've found some back-carries that she likes, so she can sleep there for part of the day and Josh and I can be out and about. She loves Josh, and gives him tremendous smiles whenever she sees him... perhaps in self-preservation, as he's more inclined to throw things at her, pull her arms and legs, and (when she's on the floor) attempt to squish her with his torso while muttering strange endearments(?) (you little muttermuttermutter). For the past week or so, I haven't been able to leave them in the same room together.

Back to Ella. She coos, and tells little stories. She enjoys raspberries on her belly, and tickles on her neck and cheeks. We sometimes do ok with ec, and sometimes I miss everything, but whatever - I'm much more mellow about it now, and I'm not working towards anything so ludicrous as a potty-trained 8 month old (who would want one? They pee a LOT, and diapers are so much easier when we're out of the house!). I remember that Josh did most of his pooping in a potty by the time he was 4 months old, and it looks like Ella's headed there too, but I'm not to attached to any particular outcome, except a baby that's in dry diapers most of the time.

Guess there's not much to talk about re: Ella.. she's a baby, and does baby stuff. I took them both to a kids playgroup yesterday, and Ella was admired and Josh got to run around and play. Fun!

I'm going to a kids psych workshop on Friday - hoping this helps me get back on track with Josh. I need some inspiration, and generally workshops (or just hanging out with parents that try to be non-coercive) helps. More of that this week, hopefully, and Josh and I will like each other a little more.

Ella!

Sep. 1st, 2010 11:37 am
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Ella's up to 11 lbs, almost 12! She's smiling (especially at Josh, for extra mom-melting cuteness), gurgling, and doing crazy amounts of arm and leg waving. All normal baby things. She still cries to be put down sometimes, but I'm getting (a little) better at reading when that needs to happen. She sometimes fusses and fusses, and won't poop until I hold her over a bucket (though sometimes she does stealth-splosions). All in all, she's a baby, doing things that are marvelous to her mother but probably a little dull to other people :)

Josh and I are happiest if we have something planned for every day, and Ella's happiest if we don't drive at all. Sometimes she waits for me, sometimes Josh does. We try to strike some kind of balance, with the underlying principle that people need different degrees of immediate attention at different stages in their lives. Often that means that -I- get to wait, but not always.

(you know you're a second-time mom when you're updating LJ and drinking coffee standing in a messy kitchen while nursing your baby in a sling, with the older child upstairs doing who-knows-what. What can third-time moms do?!)

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fruitkakechevy

January 2011

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