fruitkakechevy: (Default)
...Who's there?
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
I read your posts, my lj peeps, but I'm not commenting much.

Josh woke up with the barfies this morning, so he's happily wrapped up in blankets downstairs watching movies. He's such a TV junkie - we limit it to a movie every 2-3 days, but every morning he begs for "just one Pingu show, please mama please?" The stuff he watches is generally innocuous, and doesn't make him badger me to buy him things, but the time he spends in front of the shiny box is time he's not spending practicing how to amuse himself. Too much TV leads to not being able to self-amuse, and thus a life of boredom, I think. The most interesting people I know are the ones that do elaborate things in the name of self-amusery, and I'd like it if Josh grew up to be an interesting person :)

Ella and I spent yesterday noodling about Commercial Drive. I bought some wool tights so I can wear them with skirts and my humongous winter boots. I've been really enjoying my amauti - it's the most amazingly functional piece of baby equipment in weather like this. I can have Ella on my front, back, or hip. I can feed her in it, if she'll let me (prefers to lie in bed). I can have one arm out, or have the whole thing around my waist if I'm too hot. I can have the top layer on if it's really cold, or just the wool and liner if it's fallish/springish. I expect to get a lot of use out of it this winter :)

Ella and I also went to the MAKE craft fair, and I saw lots of beautiful things that I can't currently buy for myself. Oh well - poverty leads to creativity, if also threadbareness.

That's the state of the me. My muse has been tapping me on the shoulder for about a week, now, and telling me we should make something together. I got started last week, by hauling out all my fabric, but that took all the time I had (and now my office is a mess). I've got a few ideas knocking around in my head, but haven't yet had the space to air them out. I love my muse - hopefully she'll hang around until time/space permits us to stretch our crafty legs.
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Haven't posted for a long time.. Other priorities, or perhaps less brain to dedicate to getting my thoughts out in a semi-readable fashion.

Josh and I are having a rough time. He's doing all kinds of things that he knows I hate, and trying to hurt Ella. He needs more of me than I actually have, right now, and it's hard on both of us. I find myself yelling at him. My new strategy is to tell him that I'm too mad, and have to go away so I don't say mean things to him. Kind of like a reverse time out, but it's more for me than for him. We're having power struggles over getting dressed, brushing teeth, not throwing things. The usual, but more so. The frustrating thing is that I know the sorts of things I need to do to help us both over this period, but I don't have the energy or patience to do it.

Last night was my second night of sleep in a month where Josh didn't wake up horrendously early and cry and beg to nurse (But I just want nei-nei! I just really, reeeeeeeally want nei-nei! Please, please mama?!). I decided to give up the 8 months of slow night-weaning a couple of days ago, and after two nights of nursing whenever (and me getting even less sleep, due to having to carefully roll over in my kid-sandwich each time one wanted to nurse so as to not wake the other one) Josh has started to sleep through again, waking briefly to come snuggle in with us if he starts the night in his own bed. I'd still do nothing differently - if I'd weaned him earlier, or made him stay in his own bed, I'd still be dealing with these needs in other, less obvious ways. Cosleeping still gives us the most sleep overall, I think, and Josh still nursing gives me another tool in my mama-kit that I'd find hard to duplicate with anything else. So, if I stopped doing either of those things I'd still be having trouble, just in other ways that may be harder to deal with.

Ella is lovely :) She smiles and giggles, when I slow down enough to give her some attention beyond the basic physical kind. I've found some back-carries that she likes, so she can sleep there for part of the day and Josh and I can be out and about. She loves Josh, and gives him tremendous smiles whenever she sees him... perhaps in self-preservation, as he's more inclined to throw things at her, pull her arms and legs, and (when she's on the floor) attempt to squish her with his torso while muttering strange endearments(?) (you little muttermuttermutter). For the past week or so, I haven't been able to leave them in the same room together.

Back to Ella. She coos, and tells little stories. She enjoys raspberries on her belly, and tickles on her neck and cheeks. We sometimes do ok with ec, and sometimes I miss everything, but whatever - I'm much more mellow about it now, and I'm not working towards anything so ludicrous as a potty-trained 8 month old (who would want one? They pee a LOT, and diapers are so much easier when we're out of the house!). I remember that Josh did most of his pooping in a potty by the time he was 4 months old, and it looks like Ella's headed there too, but I'm not to attached to any particular outcome, except a baby that's in dry diapers most of the time.

Guess there's not much to talk about re: Ella.. she's a baby, and does baby stuff. I took them both to a kids playgroup yesterday, and Ella was admired and Josh got to run around and play. Fun!

I'm going to a kids psych workshop on Friday - hoping this helps me get back on track with Josh. I need some inspiration, and generally workshops (or just hanging out with parents that try to be non-coercive) helps. More of that this week, hopefully, and Josh and I will like each other a little more.


Sep. 1st, 2010 11:37 am
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Ella's up to 11 lbs, almost 12! She's smiling (especially at Josh, for extra mom-melting cuteness), gurgling, and doing crazy amounts of arm and leg waving. All normal baby things. She still cries to be put down sometimes, but I'm getting (a little) better at reading when that needs to happen. She sometimes fusses and fusses, and won't poop until I hold her over a bucket (though sometimes she does stealth-splosions). All in all, she's a baby, doing things that are marvelous to her mother but probably a little dull to other people :)

Josh and I are happiest if we have something planned for every day, and Ella's happiest if we don't drive at all. Sometimes she waits for me, sometimes Josh does. We try to strike some kind of balance, with the underlying principle that people need different degrees of immediate attention at different stages in their lives. Often that means that -I- get to wait, but not always.

(you know you're a second-time mom when you're updating LJ and drinking coffee standing in a messy kitchen while nursing your baby in a sling, with the older child upstairs doing who-knows-what. What can third-time moms do?!)
fruitkakechevy: (nomable)
Honestly, Ella is the strangest baby. Perhaps by that I mean that she's different than Josh, but I don't think so.

*She only nurses when she's *really* hungry, but does all kinds of rooty things in between that, in any other baby, would signal hunger. So I offer, and am loudly rejected. More often than not. It's like she doesn't like to nurse, and would rather suck on my finger. No food there, silly girl! Also, no feel-good i-loves-my-baybee hormones released - finger-sucking is all the inconvenience of nursing with none of the benefits. And that other troublesome bit: I know where my nipples have been, but my hands get into all kinds of things (like public transit!).

*She doesn't need to be glommed on to my body Every Single Minute. I can put her down, and she's sometimes actually happy. It's probably because Josh was so glued to me that this seems strange, but there it is. Given my next point, it's probably a good thing.

*She doesn't like baby carriers, unless I sneak her in when she's almost asleep. This makes life difficult!

*Also, she (eek!) sleeps through the night. I didn't want to post it, just in case I jinxed myself.
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Sometimes I can't wait for Josh to sleep all night in his own bed. He usually gets up at about 2 or 3 from his room, and comes into our bed. Sometimes he's awake enough to want to nurse, and I have to tell him (again) that he can when the sun comes up. Often he goes right back to sleep, and sometimes he stays awake for hours, rolling around and asking again and again for some "sleepy nei-nei". He'll lie sideways, kicking me or J. He'll sometimes flip around so his feet are at the head of the bed. He'll alternately kick off the covers (thus pulling off our covers too), and ask for the covers to be returned to him. When he comes to bed, I have to move Ella over to the bumpered edge, so that he can sleep between me and J and not crush (or wake) her in his rollings. We all sleep better when he's not in bed with us.

But. When he does sleep through in his own bed, and come to see us once the sun is well up, I miss him. Though he's sometimes infuriatingly wakeful in the middle of the night, I miss his sleepy breathing and his sweet morning smile. I miss snuggling his sleepy body, which was so little and now seems so big. And on mornings when he's slept in his own bed, I realize that I'm happy to have him sleeping with us as long as he wants to.

And I read things like this(beware music), and cry, because I think about how sweet it all is, and how quickly it will be over. I wish I could enjoy it all fully and completely, every moment, because once I no longer have little kids I'll miss it so dreadfully.
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Am I the only one that keeps misreading the name of a certain 'musical' instrument as vulvazela? Is it just me?


Jun. 22nd, 2010 12:31 am
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
After all my drama on Friday, I felt a little better and got a good sleep Friday night. Good thing, because I had a day of constant braxton-hicks (still ignorable), and then, once I decided to get into bed, I got some contractions that were hard enough that I couldn't sleep through them. After having a bath, and calling birth-support people to let them know what was going on, I continued on that evening mostly in the dark by myself. I'd have a contraction, breathing while leaning on the table, and then quickly lie down on the couch to sleep for a couple of minutes. My doula arrived, and went to sleep in the spare room, and I woke J up at about 2 or 3 when I didn't want to be alone any more. Josh's grandma came, in case we needed to rush to the hospital, and they were up and down for the last half of the night. I actually felt a little rested by 7 the next morning.

Read more... )


Jun. 18th, 2010 09:50 am
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
"I want to try really hard to whack my tongue out with a dull knife!!!!"
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
...and to ask her some important questions.

- where does the "induce at 41 weeks" policy come from?

- is this for all pregnant women, or only VBAC?

- why would it be necessary?

- What happens if I refuse?

I waffle between wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt (I was too busy panicking to actually hear if she did a reasonable take on informed decision making) and wanting to switch providers (though it's likely I'd have the same issue with anyone registered, and I find the unregistered ones a little scary). With exactly no time left, I'm defaulting to the former, which I think works towards the outcome I'd prefer anyway.
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Today I:

- made a double-batch of proteinacious cookies
- started dehydrating some bananas
- cleaned my office enough that I think it's almost ok for people to stand around the bed waiting for an Improbable Event (if I decide the pool isn't the Best Thing Ever)
- tidied the living room
- got a bunch of during-birth food and new-baby food, and SOME TOILET PAPER!

I still would like to hem the new curtains for the bedroom, but it took me about 100000 hours to get Josh to bed so I don't think I'm going to do it tonight. Tomorrow, Josh and I (and my mom!) are headed off to the Mission Children's Festival. Please, baby, if you're coming tomorrow, make your wishes known either before I leave or after I get home :P Driving home from Mission in labour is not my idea of fun.


Jun. 4th, 2010 09:53 am
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
This morning, Josh declared that his poo looked like an elephant (efalent). As he was flushing it, he spoke for the poor thing, "Oh, no, I'm being flushed to the sewer!! Help me!!".

He asks lots of questions now, which is usually fun. When I'm done with answering the same thing different ways 5-6 times in a row, I start responding, "It's a mystery!". He comes up with all kinds of interesting things when I ask him, "Well, what do YOU think it is?".

He also has been making stories for things, and doing a lot of pretend. Mostly it has to do with Wallace wearing the Wrong Trousers, but we also 'Go to Bamfield' on a fairly regular basis and he comes up with random other things. My main problem, I think, with Josh-as-a-baby was loneliness. He's becoming decent company, so I'm hoping that will help with the fall.. it's always the hardest time of year for me.


May. 22nd, 2010 09:04 pm
fruitkakechevy: (bellyboot)
I had a massage on Friday morning, and afterward I felt fantastic! I could get into my truck without grunting, and I had all kinds of energy. The next morning, however, I couldn't walk without holding something. My hips were all gibbled, and I couldn't put much weight on one of my legs. It slowly got better over the day, and I was back to normal by dinnertime, but it was really strange.

I'm going back for another one next week, I hope, and my massage therapist says that stuff like that usually only happens the first time. Still worth it :)
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
So really, that means that fetus and me will be considered 'full term' in about 18 days. Eek.

Still gotta:

- test the birthing pool
- move the furniture around in my office, and (maybe?) paint and put new flooring down. Looking unlikely.
- get a plastic sheet thingy to complete the 'stuff I need for a homebirth' box
- start getting the 'optional homebirth stuff' together
fruitkakechevy: (caterpillar)
I measure you by my body.

Toes poke into my bellybutton as you feast on milk, dreaming.
You are very little, very early, and though you have been in the world
For 7 whole weeks, you are brand new to this house, this room, this bed.

Tiny toenails inch lower, midnight by midnight,
They scrabble at the scar on my belly, your bikini-cut entry to the world.

Later, I am no longer able to luxuriate naked in bed, as the summer ebbs,
and the problem once solved by blankets-to-the-chin would have smothered you as you fed,
tucked under my armpit by body and breast.

Your legs get longer, poking your toes towards warm creases in my body
where all our dreaming and planning and hoping meant you to exit your watery home.
I squeak, trying not to wake you, and quickly clothe my bottom half.

Much later, your legs get too long for this private space between us.
You tuck your feet between my thighs, and when you sleep
I untuck them and creep out of your amazingly separate room to lie in my own bed.

My new belly pushes you away from me. Milk ebbs.
You nurse, open-eyed, and then ask for some water.
Water fetched, thirst eased, I left you one night to think sleepy thoughts on your own.
To fall asleep by yourself.
And you did.


Apr. 29th, 2010 10:58 pm
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
Josh and I went out to get some poles for a Bean Tent. Years ago, I'd mentally noted a spot beside our townhouse for a good place to get poles. Red alder grows fast, straight, and each tree isn't strictly speaking an individual organism so I didn't feel bad cutting 8 sturdy poles for our tent.
Read more... )
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
How we spent our Friday.

It was my plan to spend the afternoon doing non-kid stuff, as my mom usually takes Josh for most of Friday, but since she was taking him for Saturday too so J and I could go to a birthing class, it seemed a little much. Thus, we all went to the beach.

I've got a lot of fond memories of this beach. My brothers and I spent hours playing in the sand, and waiting for the tide to be just right so we could dig sand fortresses to keep back the tide. We never managed to build one that could withstand the pull of the moon, but we certainly did a lot of trying.
fruitkakechevy: (Default)
.. I would have had one episode of liver pain already, and would be headed to the hospital tomorrow. Instead, I get an enormous belly, and my previously comfortable bed has become hard and not-sleep-promoting. I am Very Happy with the trade. Still not out of the woods, as if HELLP happens again it's usually later and more mild than the first time, but this Wednesday I'm going to be more pregnant than I've ever been before. Perhaps I'll make a cake :)

Also, yesterday J and I went to a Birthing Again class run by the same people that did the Birthing From Within class J and I took (half of) the first time. It was marvelous, and definitely worth taking. We managed to meaningfully talk about our first births without having everyone rehash every little detail, talk about the next birth (and dust off pain coping techniques and positions), talk about sibling preparation, eat, and spend time reconnecting with our partners, all in about six hours. Nothing seemed rushed, and everything seemed to be exactly appropriate to what the group needed. We even did art! Really, I can't say too many good things about Dancing Star Birth.
fruitkakechevy: (joshSMASH)
J made Josh a sandbox over two weekends. It's nice and big, with a bright red lid to keep cats and rain out. J had the brilliant idea of adding two big rocks, to give a sort of topography to the sand. So far, we only have a few bags of sand in the box. Hoping to arrange for a delivery of sand, but I don't want to shovel it all so we might just buy 5 bags now and then and eventually have a fullish box.

Last night, when we put the sand in, Josh played until it was almost too dark to see (and COLD!), and then we had an epic battle trying to get him in the house. In the morning, I sneakily took us out the front to bike to our playgroup, but afterward we came in through the back and Josh was went off the bike and straight to the sandbox. As soon as I pulled the lid off, he was in, and five minutes later was bottomless and mostly topless. (Bum-sand FTW?! Kids are strange.) I made some lunch and brought out the sunscreen, with my book, laptop and a hammock-chair that hangs from our cherry tree, and had a lovely hour or so while Josh dug and moved sand. I suggested a few times that we go inside and lie down with some books, and he agreed twice, until I started putting the lid back on the sandbox (clearly I am the enemy of fun!).

Hopefully it will remain fun and isn't just a novelty - I picture myself and NewBaby nursing in the hammock-chair, Josh building things and bringing me the occasional shovel full of sand. We'll get up to eat raspberries, currants, strawberries, and blueberries, and occasionally giraffe (J's word) some kale directly off the plant with our mouths. The kid pool will be off to one side, to prevent too much sand/water transfer. J will bring us cold drinks, or play with Josh, or build our fence, or watch anime inside. Sounds like a lovely summer :)
fruitkakechevy: (bellyboot)
I dyed some eggs yesterday - purple cabbage worked the best. Turmeric was ok, and paprika and beets were very light.

We hid the eggs (and some little non-crappy foil ones) this morning and waited for Josh to get up. Once he came downstairs, I explained the concept of "The Easter Bunny Game" to him, more or less.

Josh labeled them "Sneaky Eggs", and also told us that WE were sneaky. J said, "And don't you forget it!".

I felt the need to also hide a sprouting potato - in my defense, it was egg shaped. Josh first looked under it, found no eggs, and then about 5 minutes later found it again and triumphantly put it in his basket. Ugliest egg EvAr!

10 small foil eggs in 20 minutes isn't that bad, as sugar-highs go. I'm glad I limited my chocolate buying, even though I was tempted to get Josh one of those awful half-wax chocolate bunnies (mostly for the sake of nostalgia).


fruitkakechevy: (Default)

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